The Blond Goddess
filed in Man Stories on Apr.28, 1987
This is the story of perhaps the worst sexual activity I’ve ever been subjected to. But it was also with the hottest girl I’ve ever been with, and in a public place. So despite how awful it was, I still keep this memory active in the spank bank. Although when I replay it for spanking purposes, I make it a lot better.
Here’s the unedited version.
This all happens when I’m traveling on a flight by myself.
I get to the airport late thanks to traffic, and so I miss my flight. The next flight is 8 hours away, so I’m forced to spend the entire day in the airport.
I end up having a few beers and some food in one of the restaurants. Then I check out some magazines in one of the book stores.
It was then that I notice this absolutely gorgeous woman looking in my direction. She has long straight blond hair, with green sunglasses resting on top of her head, and these really big earrings.
I remember very specifically that she had on pink-ish lipstick.
She’s tan, and is wearing a short dress.
This girl is HOT!
When I look at her, she looks away.
Now, I really doubt she was checking me out or anything. I think she was just looking in my direction randomly, but when you have a few drinks in you, anything a girl does is a come on. Also, the alcohol gets you feeling a little cocky, and so even though I never would have been able to talk to a girl like this normally, I walk over and say “Hello”.
She says “Hello” back, and we actually start up a conversation.
We chat for a bit, and it turns out that she is actually supposed to be on my flight, and she missed the plane too!
I think this is the bonding point, because after that it becomes like an instant-date.
We browse the duty free store together, where we try on ridiculous hats and she takes pictures of us doing funny poses. Then we head to the food court, where we grab some bagels and play some cards. I cheat for a bit until she catches me, and then she makes me tell her about my past girlfriends as punishment.
Eventually we find some seats near our gate and while we wait for our plane, we watch all the other travelers and try to guess what everyone’s job and life are like.
It’s at this point that she takes my hand.
So here I am, an average looking schmo, who normally would never even dare talking to a woman this hot, and this Blond Goddess is gently holding my hand and hanging off my every word.
I know I’m in. I know I have to do something. But I have no idea what.











August 11th, 2009 on 7:59 pm
Goodness…too funny!
August 11th, 2009 on 9:13 pm
I had a BJ like that once. Way too rough.
August 11th, 2009 on 10:39 pm
"It’s a rare thing when a guy doesn’t want his penis touched anymore, but I’m proof it happens. And at that moment, I really don’t want it touched anymore."
Hahahahahahahahaha!!!
August 11th, 2009 on 10:55 pm
Dude…you MUST shop these stories around to a network! I totally see an HBO special based on your stories. Im very serious bro.
August 12th, 2009 on 5:22 pm
Just for the record – you still cum after you have a vasectomy.
August 13th, 2009 on 2:54 am
haha. been there buddy. It's always the "untoucable" hot as hell girls that are the worst in bed.
August 15th, 2009 on 12:56 pm
To continue what the poster above me said, it's probably because of guys like you! They're so hot that most dudes feel so lucky to be with her that they won't say a single word against her. All you would have to say would be something like 'slow down a bit'. Obviously, with the hours and hours of replaying this in your head, you know this already.
I find it doubly funny that she probably felt like you stood her up. Not only did you feed her lack of handjob ability, you also fed any self-esteem issues she had. Nice!
Great writing as always, though.
August 16th, 2009 on 5:31 am
A girl I was with did the same thing. I had to make her stop after a little bit because she was actually making me bleed from it.
August 17th, 2009 on 3:30 pm
what's the number? i'll take a shot at getting her to do it right…
August 18th, 2009 on 4:42 pm
Are you sure she was a she?
August 19th, 2009 on 5:13 am
Anonymous (Aug 18, 9:42 AM): A guy would probably be able to give a handjob properly…
August 23rd, 2009 on 10:24 pm
thats so horrible. i couldnt imagine…you poor thing
August 27th, 2009 on 8:59 pm
Ok…. so you should've told her that she was pulling too hard. Now she's gone on to hurt some other poor schlub!
August 28th, 2009 on 6:40 am
Damn, I should say hi to women I find attractive more often.
September 7th, 2009 on 10:27 am
Hilarious.
September 8th, 2009 on 12:27 am
very nice story bro! too funny!!
September 8th, 2009 on 11:30 pm
OMG. I think this girl gets around, because damn near everyone of my guy friends (and a couple of the girls) has a story somewhat like that.
Girls that look that good don't HAVE to learn to do it (or really anything) well. Bitches.
October 6th, 2009 on 1:55 pm
“I am all over her tits like a starving monkey sucking an orange.”
ha ha ha, ha ha ha, ha ha ha.
Brilliant stuff. Funny and erotic, a good combo.
December 2nd, 2009 on 8:08 pm
I’ve had a girl use her teeth, that’s like a cheese grader worst BJ of my life
May 26th, 2010 on 1:19 pm
I know the feeling. On the back of the bus this girl from the band decided to jerk me off. Only problem is that she played the snare drum. Hands were kind of rough. But I didn’t have the heart to tell her to stop, or maybe it was because I was in 9th grade and it was my first handjob. I’ll never forget that shit. lol
September 2nd, 2010 on 2:53 am
welcome to the mile-high club