So I start off at the pool of this girl I work with. It’s about three o’clock and it’s like spring break at this place. Nothing of interest really happens here. The events to note are that 1) I drank 10 beers and 2) I tell some girl that I did two years in the pokey for assault and battery and I got stabbed in a dispute about a card game. That girl found out I was lying, but still asked for my number.

When I get home, I call my friend Dan and tell him that if I stop drinking now I will not make it out tonight. He happily obliges to be my drinking buddy.

Another friend meets up. I drink 5 beers at Dan’s. We go to a club. We drink beers. We do shots. It is fun.

Finally, we run into the people we are supposed to meet there. It’s mostly AHS alumni. As Dan and I walk from the back bar to the front part we see Abby. She sees us, says, “Oh hell, no” and walks off. Dan and I laugh.

Here is the quick and dry version of the Abby story.

A while back, I was in a financial pickle. Things were looking bleak. I was desperate.

After a night of drinking Dan bet me $1000 that I wouldn’t have sex with Abby.

She was all over me earlier, but she is not attractive. She is not fat, she’s just kind of…dikey. Ok, she’s kind of manish. But a G is a G. So, I get her number from Wes, call her at an ungodly hour and do everything but fuck her. Thereby negating the bet.

Ain’t that some bullshit.

I told her I’d take her out and shit and give her a call sometime, neither of which were true.

Back to the matter at hand. At midnight-ish, Melissa calls me and she is walking up with Maria, this 18 year old girl Shannon, and Shannon’s mom Penny.

Melissa met Shannon while they were both extras on the set of Mathew McConaughey’s new movie the day before (Ed TV I think). I didn’t know it at the time, but Penny left Shannon and her family when she was young for a woman. She was now trying to reconnect by moving in with Shannon’s family, including her father who is getting married in two weeks. Shannon must be well-adjusted, right?

So they come in. We order shots. We dance. It’s good times for all.

At this point, I am in a moral dilemma. Shannon is hot. smoking hot. But she graduated high school a few weeks ago.

Go ahead. Read that last line again. I’ll give you some time…

It becomes increasingly obvious that she is in to me. What the fuck am I to do?

I conclude that the answer lies at the bottom of a whiskey bottle.

Dan says that I should go for it. I trust him in these matters. Regardless of what you read in the preceding paragraph, he has a high moral outlook on these things. He would tell me if I was out of line. But she is fine. So we close down the bar, but I have plenty of drinks at my place. It is concluded that we are going to have a pool party at my place.

On the way home Dan runs out of my car to throw up at a stop sign. It was funny.

At my place, we make drinks grab towels and go to the pool. So, we are about to skinny dip in a pool with an 18 year old and her mother.

Is that right? What has my life come to?

At the pool there is a girl sitting in a chair kind of dazed. I walk up to her and warn her that she is about to be witness to some things that she may not agree with. She says cool and eventually joins us.

Everyone gets in their underpants, women sans bras. I am now in the pool cuddling for warmth with a topless 18 year old with her mother in the pool. Luckily, I am a case of beer and at least 6 shots deep.

At one point Shannon needs to use the bathroom, so she puts her hair over her tits Island of Blue Lagoon style and walks over to it. She has the best jewel crusted thong I have ever seen and the best ass that God ever made. I swear to you. Jesus Christ would fuck her.

Anyways, we make out—she is a great kisser—and you can guess the rest.

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